Envy Check

The process of adoption is hard and really never ending, no matter what member of the adoption trifecta one happens to be a part of (adoptees, birth families, and those like us, the adoptive parents). These beginning months of our journey seem to be hard, and I know being an adoptive family will eventually be even more difficult, which is why I am taking this moment to put my jealousy up on the shelf.

We are blessed. We are so grateful that we can consider adoption as our first means of building a family. D and I have not experienced the heartbreak of infertility or child loss. We are not struggling to find the financial means to bring a child into our home and raise them in comfort. Our jobs allow us to save up ample time for the need to stay in country for the weeks and weeks needed to complete the adoption paperwork in South Africa.

Though our home study process has felt like the longest year of my life, we just weeks away from getting our dossier to Johannesburg. So what if there is another friend posting her pregnancy announcement on social media (so happy for her, she has been struggling with infertility)? So what if people badger me about needing to get along with making our family after six years of marriage? So what, I tell myself, if there is an aching hole in my heart when I see a little toddler run after their mom or dad or older sibling?

Soon enough we will have a little one of our own. Small fingers and toes, a shining giggle, and a heart that needs so much love I can pour all of what I am saving up during this wait into it. Patience prevails and – God willing – we will get there when we are meant to be a family.

(For anyone keeping track, I did end up getting my paperwork from HR after practically pleading with them. Sadly, these are our only papers that have another county notary, so I have to drive to a second county clerk’s office – an hour away – for authentication to allow for the apostille. Better than not having it.)

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